The Morbid and Sultry Tales of Genevieve Clare is LIVE!
Meet Genevieve and Ahren in this dark and sultry tale of love loss!
Barnes & Noble: http://bit.ly/1tDidmS
Release Date: October 30th
I approached Bryce Oskin, with caution, and when I reached his side, he demanded, “Who the fuck are you?”
Charm and disarm. Charm and disarm.
“I’m Genevieve Clare, Mr. Oskin,” I said with a grin. “I believe you hired me to come to your funeral? Mind if I join you?” I brought my own bag of goodies and opened a white baker’s box from Brewster’s.
“You some kind of spooky chick?” he asked, his eyes squinting as he studied me.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was… sweet on me already. “Kinda, yeah. If by spooky you mean I get paid to go to funerals, give people a nudge, and check for a heartbeat. Oh, and I live at Eden Hills. Then yeah, I’m spooky.” I grabbed a plastic fork and took a bite of amazing cake. It was always amazing, but today it seemed more amazing than usual.
“There,” I nodded toward the folder I’d set down on a little table to his side. “I just need you to sign on the dotted line. And the bag there is from Ruby. But I’m taking over the goody-bag duties, so tell me what you like and I’ll get it for you.” I licked my lips and did it seductively because I knew this was a man who appreciated a woman. Also known as a dirty old man. “Want a bite?”
“You gonna tell that Nazi Nurse Ratchet on me?” He jerked his head toward Cheryl.
“Are you gonna drop dead from half a slice of cake?” I countered.
“Then I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship, Mr. Oskin. I visit once a week, unless I have a funeral, usually on Tuesday or Wednesday. I always bring cake for my clients. If there’s something you don’t like, just tell me. But I usually bring a selection.”
“You do this every week?” he asked, disbelief in his voice.
“What do you mean?”
“You eat like that every week? When you see other clients?” His eyes slid up and down the length of my body.
“I have a high metabolism.” I smiled. It really was a miracle I wasn’t as big as a house. But my sweet tooth was limited to sharing with clients. I had to give myself some sort of boundaries.
He grabbed the plastic fork I’d handed him and stabbed the slice of Meyer lemon cake with vanilla bean cream cheese frosting. His eyes closed, and when they opened, he said, “God bless you.” After a few more bites, he asked, “So, you’re gonna open up my box and poke me before they burn me, right?”
“Yes, sir, I’ll make sure you’re good and dead.”
“Spooky chick.” His tone was gruff, but his lip tipped up in the corner.
I saw it with pride. Disarmament, accomplished.
Bryce Oskin had ordered the Shake N Bake. I had permission from most of the mortuaries and crematories to open the casket and check the body. I mean, you could just tell when someone was dead. By the time I had my turn with the deceased, they were most likely already embalmed. But some of them chose not to be, or if they were, they hired me to come to their place of death and make damn sure there was no chance in hell they were coming back to life.
A while back, there was a highly publicized case in Southern California. A woman had been pronounced dead and taken to the hospital morgue. But when they opened the fridge for her to be transported to the funeral home, they saw obvious signs of a struggle. She’d been put in there alive.
I’d never been afraid of death, and, after my family died and the man I loved almost had, I embraced death in my own strange way. I made it my life’s work, I guess. While it took a lot to creep me out, that story gave me the heebie-jeebies something fierce. It was all over the news. Every staff member from the hospital to the morgue was investigated then sued or fired or both. And, of course, old people sitting in the common room of a rest home from the wee a.m. hours to beddy-bye time, saw that story six times in one day, minimum. I ended up receiving so many requests to make sure they weren’t breathing, I added the Shake N Bake to my website.
***Arc Provided by the Author in exchange for an honest review***
The Morbid and Sultry Tales of Genevieve Clare by J.B. Hartnett is one of the most interesting, quirky, original, heart warming yet heart breaking books I have ever read! I'm not sure how to even review this one, it was just absolutely amazing and so unique that there aren't enough words to describe or really explain why I loved it without giving away too many details. When I first read the synopsis I thought wow that sounds really different and fun but honestly it was so much more than I expected. I'm not sure I've ever felt that many feelings while reading a book before, talk about a roller coaster ride of emotion!! I cycled between laughing and crying and going "awwww" because some parts were so sweet. The author had an unusual writing style, not every detail was immediately understood and certain facts were revealed in a surprising way. There were quite a few surprising revelations that made me feel even worse for our lovely heroine than I already did, she had some seriously tragic events in her life and each revelation made my heart break a little bit more!
Genevieve is one hell of a tough chick, if I had been in her shoes I know I would never have recovered. She turned her grief into an interesting and crazy business, some of which had truly beautiful intentions. While some of her mourning business involved doing crazy last requests some of it was helping people who didn't have any loved ones. Those ones made me bawl my eyes out, especially since she became very close to some of her older clients. I have a serious soft spot for the elderly and I sort of want to do what she did for them, no one should spent their last days, months or even years alone. This is definitely not a book to be read in public, if there weren't tears streaming down my face then there were points I was laughing out loud like a crazy person. I'll tell you though there were a lot more tears than laughs, some were happy tears though because Genevieve was just such a caring person who really helped people. Ahren was amazing as well, the author definitely killed me with their relationship, things would just be going along and then BOOM something would happen that would leave you going "did that seriously just happen?", especially in the beginning of their relationship. In the end though their love is one of the most beautiful displays of true love I have ever read. He was just as good of a person as Gen, when he was sitting with Delilah in the one chapter I was just bawling, he was so sweet. The secondary characters were equally amazing as well and really made this story stand out, Rocky is just the best friend anyone could ever have, sometimes you just need to be given a picture of a dead woman in order to realize what you've been doing with your life needs to change! Oh and Bryce, there are just no words for how much I love that old man, I laughed, I cried and I was amazed at the insight he offered when he wasn't being a crazy old perv!
Over all this book is an amazing story of grief, love, letting go of the past and learning to accept loss without losing yourself. This book made for an entertaining, emotional read but also left you with a feeling of wanting to do something for someone, at least it did for me. The author has an incredibly engaging writing style but also the ability to really pull the reader into the minds of her characters, I felt so strongly for every character in this book that it took me awhile before I could even write this review. The uniqueness of the plot in addition to the amazing writing ability has definitely made me fall in love with this book and I can't wait to check out more by J.B. Hartnett.
Storyline: Unique, interesting, amazing
Female Characters: tough with a beautiful heart
Male Characters: one of the good ones! so sweet and sexy!
Author's Writing Style: different and really captivating
Plot Twists: several really unexpected ones
Laugh Factor: I seriously cracked up a few times
Cry Factor: I had tears in my eyes for at least half this book!
Steam Factor: pretty hot
Cover & Book Summary
My name is Genevieve Clare, professional mourner, destined
My name is Genevieve Clare, professional mourner, destined
to spend my days donning a black suit and throwing myself on top of caskets for
money. Sometimes I mixed it up and threw myself on top of a
willing warm body instead. Finding the right warm body
though, that was a different story.
#1 - With Tony, it seemed to take a lot to get me going. When Ahren walked into a room, I wanted to smother him with my vagina.
#2 - "It was a work of art, beautiful, as if carved by the masterful, dirty, filthy hands that knew exactly what a girl like me would want."
#3 - "We’re all gonna die, Cookie. Death is the devil you know. The better you live, the more you piss him off, and he just hates that. Right now, you’re lettin’ him get his way.”
#4 - So when I looked at him in the truck, I saw this man I’d loved for years. This time, instead of looking at him with the eyes of a silly girl, an awkward teen, a romantic young woman, or a grieving daughter…this time, I looked at him with the eyes of a woman in love. A woman who knew her heart, finally, and I knew, in that moment, nothing would ever part us again.
#5 - Now, seeing all of him, I fell a little more in love that day because, in my mind, he’d always been perfection. But no one is perfect, not in the real world. His fragility made him so in my eyes.
#6 - “Little pieces,” I whispered.
“Sorry?” he asked against my hair.
“Just when I think I can’t love you more, you give me another piece to add to my heart.”
#7 - “Love it when you talk to me about cement. It makes me think about your cock,” I said against his lips.
#8 - "I love you, Gen and you love me and I hope to God you have more of these skirts because I’m about to tear that fucker right off of your body.”
#9 - “I’ll share your smile, your laughter, your generosity, and your friendship, but I won’t share your body, and I won’t share your heart.”
#10 - “I’ve decided it’s worth the risk of losing you and having you for one day, than never having you at all.”
About the Author
Julie is a Southern California native, a fan of a really good story (preferably romance with a happily ever after), really good pie (preferably pumpkin) and copious amounts of coffee (preferably Folgers).
She has always enjoyed writing and at one time thought she could be a singer songwriter...the 'writer' part is the one that stuck.
Julie is obsessed with pi...the equation(and the food). She's allergic to cats and cantaloupe and hates mushrooms...so if you ever want to give her a gift, those are out for sure.She currently lives with her own romance hero husband and two boys in Melbourne, Australia.